In the beginning, family honor is a mere afterthought to Marty McFly, the main character of hit movie trilogy, Back to the Future. Personal honor, on the other hand, is obviously important to Marty. Whenever he is called “chicken” or it’s even suggested, he refuses to back down. This refusal to cower is often to his detriment.
So prominent is this theme, it’s been termed the “McFly Complex.” It’s also called the “McFly Conviction” to explain the Myers-Brigg’s ENFP personality type’s obsessing over their own self-meaning and occasionally dangerous need for external validation of worth.
Interestingly, through a series of time-traveling events, Marty becomes the defender and promoter of his family honor. The manner in which he does so spans both the generations before and after him. While we have no flux capacitors or other means of time travel, there is a similar calling to do the same in our own lives.
Jonathan Edwards Resolution 46
In his 46th resolution, Jonathan Edwards addresses the issues of both personal honor and family honor.
Edwards’ Resolution #46 (in my modernized language)
I will honor my father and mother and speak honorably about or to them no matter my feelings. I’ll do the same for all members of my family.
Understanding Honor and Shame
To understand Marty’s motivations (as well as our own), we need to understand more about honor. And to help frame that, let’s acknowledge that the opposite of honor is shame. Both are a form of recognition. However, one is obviously positive and desirable, while the other is neither.
Honor is a recognition that comes through your own actions and reputation. It is also inherited from your family at birth.
A child takes on the general honor status held by the family in the eyes of others. Its fluid nature (and selective short-term memory of people in general) means that honor (whether personal or familial) is always gaining and losing intensity.
Sadly, shame is much easier to gain and significantly harder to lose than honor. It’s one of the primary reasons we watch the celebrity giants of tv, film, sports and otherwise take such drastic falls after we’ve exalted them to their highest of heights. And yes, while there are comebacks, they are much less frequent than going down for the count.
Just How Do You Feel… About Family Honor?
There are many examples of honorable family relationships in the Bible (Matt 6:8–9; Luke 13:16). There are also acts of recognition (Mark 11:1–11; 14:3–9; John 6:14–15) as well as shame (Mark 15:16–20). For this resolution, though, I want to focus on a passage from Proverbs:
Listen with respect to the father who raised you,
and when your mother grows old, don’t neglect her.
Buy truth—don’t sell it for love or money;
buy wisdom, buy education, buy insight.
Parents rejoice when their children turn out well;
wise children become proud parents.
So make your father happy!
Make your mother proud!– Proverbs 23:22-25 (MSG)
In her post at Beyond Today, titled Do Not Despise Your Parents When They Are Old, Kathy Sanny observes: “There is a reason why there had to be a proverb put in the Bible about not despising our parents when they are old. As a child it is hard to acknowledge we have less than perfect parents, but as an adult it is far too easy to shift blame to them for what is lacking in us.”
One commonly held belief is that psychologists like to take people back to their earliest childhood formations to find the root of people’s personal issues. That may or may not be entirely true, I cannot say, as I am no expert in that field. However, perception is reality in many instances, and it is indeed a perception. A piggy-back to that perception is the idea that this process seeks to find a source of shame. It is implying that there is someone else to blame for your issues, and therefore the reason to complete the exercise.
Again, whether true or not, I do not know. However, it does point to a common societal belief that there is always someone else to blame. That’s quite unfortunate. Yes, we are broken – there’s no denying it. However, so too were your parents – as Marty McFly learns. It’s also true of their parents.
In fact, it’s traceable all the way back to Adam and Eve.
Getting Back to the Future
In the beginning of Back to the Future, Marty displays signs of shame about his family. His dad is the coward lackey of the town bully and McFly nemesis, Biff. Marty’s uncle is a prison inmate. And, like most teenagers, he doesn’t think he has much in common with mom or dad, nor does he have it with his siblings either.
By the end, after spending time with his parents while they were at his age, he gets a new understanding. He learns more about what they have in common and how his legacy connects with theirs. Then, Marty learns from Doc Brown that there’s something wrong in the future as it pertains to his kids. He no doubt feels a similar connection and seeks to defend both his personal honor and family honor.
Family honor is more biblical than you might think. And, whether you’re parents are the McFlys or your own, you’re the pivotal character between you, those who came before you, and those who share your lineage into the future.
I can relate. One of the biggest fears I had about becoming a parent is the tremendous responsibility I would take on. I found myself fretting over the very real likelihood that I would mess up the “unfortunate child” that would be gifted my way. I still think about it, but I fret not.
Knowing I am broken, I commit myself and am trusting in God for doing the best I possibly can. That also means being the best me I can be – one of truth, wisdom, education and insight. That’s because my reputation – whether of honor or of shame – is always passing onto them. At the same time, I seek to connect my family heritage for my children.
For it is in my children that my legacy and that of my predecessors lives as well. The impact of which, I may never even know.
A Timeless Encounter on a Time Machine
I saw this transference of legacy first-hand when visiting the Ark Encounter. At the missionaries exhibit, the Hudson Taylor section in particular, I met a guy who was clearly enthralled by the experience. In talking with him, I learned he had just recognized his grandfather in the one photograph that appeared in the display case. He snapped a pic with his phone and sent to his mom, who confirmed it was him.
This guy’s eyes, his expression and the obvious pride told an amazing story. One of honor. His grandfather, his legacy captured on a simple piece of paper, was this man’s progenitor in service to the Lord along with one of the perceived giants of missionary lore.
It was an amazing connecting of lineage. I could not help but think: as this fellow’s grandfather was being the best version of himself, serving God, he wasn’t envisioning this moment. He could not know, as his likeness was being captured by camera, that the photograph would make its way onto a replica of Noah’s ark, where his grandson would journey across states to see it.
The trip in time got very real for this young man.
In today’s world of social media and technology, every moment of your life is available for similar but more mass documentation. Had this man’s grandfather been experiencing an off day, even an off moment, that delicate balance between honor and shame might have been quite different.
And his trip back to the future might have played out much different for his grandson.
Keep that in perspective.
You never know when your family honor may be at stake.