Hey God, I didn’t have Megadeath’s Dave Mustaine providing the soundtrack of my midlife meltdown on my bingo card. He and I certainly have had different paths to you and our relationship has formed in ways unique to our selves. And yet, when he pours out to You in the song, Hey God, I feel like he’s speaking for me. As my advocate and stand-in.

The lyrics are not all that profound, and that may be the very reason it ressonates so strongly. Over a gritty music bed that is consistent with the Megadeth brand, and in vocals that present genuinely humble, Mustaine sings:

Hey, God

I need a minute of your time

I know that I’ve been missing lately

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind

A simple plea, an acknowledgement of shortcoming, and a reasoning that is not merely “I”ve been busy” or even a futile excuse. A reality I know far too well.

LOSING MY EDGE

My mind, for many uears now, has been racing in many directions and not so willing to zero in or focus like I had been accustomed to it doing. The sharpness and clarity that has been a hallmark of my career and life is dulling and losing its edge.

Names no longer flow from mind to mouth. Events and timelines are fuzzier. Any effort to focus on a task at hand is more likely to get neglected or lose momentum. And this is why the next words slice my soul:

Hey, God

I feel my life slipping away

There’s so much left I wanna do

The years are passing by like days

Ouch. A younger me (post-medication for relentless anxiety and obsessive thought), would dismiss this part of the song. The me of today wants to cry at this point.

The greatest dream of my life has been the family I have been blessed to know. The wife and children I have toiled to root in love. The household that has been planted, nurtured, cultivated through a cycle of growth into maturity.

DREAMS , TRADEOFFS & PAIN

This dream came true. And it has been a joy to receive. I have thanked God daily, for I know it is only through his provision. Still, it didn’t happen without discipline, sacrifice, hard lessons, or giving up many other dreams. These are things I have been more than willing to accept those tradeoffs, even when it has meant pain and suffering.

But these last few years, I have felt like Mustaine says in the chorus, “Sometimes, I feel so insecure as I walk these streets alone”

It’s because Hey God’s second verse explains so well,

Hey, God

It feels like you’re so far away

I know that it was me that moved

I never had that much to say

Hey, God

I don’t know why you care at all

I’m always taking up your time

I’m always missing when you call

Sometimes, I feel so insecure

As I walk these streets alone

So alone

When the clarity of youth dulls and the nest empties, where do you turn? An honest look at faith, aging, and the haunting resonance of Megadeth’s “Hey God.”

A LONE RANGER IS TRULY ALONE

At the age I am now, my earthly father had just a yrar of his own life left. It basically means I have experienced half my life without him. The family I have cherished was never known to him. So many things I didn’t get to do with him. Conversations we might have had. Advice he might have offered.

My mom passed years later. My girls harldy knew her either. In a lot of ways, I embarked on a “lone ranger” lifestyle out of necessity. If I would ever gain the family I never had as a child, I knew I would have to develop myself and put in a long marathon of work that most people will even start, let alone complete.

I have run that race. And it often feels like I’ve lost anyway.

Hey, God

I always take, I never give

I know it doesn’t look so good

But it ain’t the way I wanna live

Yep. My kids are very much grown, or they are not viewing me as worthy in many ways. They are using the wings I sought to give them. I fear they are dismissive of their roots.

And it feels like I have no purpose or value to offer any longer.

Hey, God

That’s all I really got for now

I thought that we’d have more to say

Please, let me know you’re there somehow

Alone is not what God intended. This season of my life is painful. One day, we were learning how to traing our dragon.

Then I blinked, and I found myself clinging to the fragile remnants of a broken dream.

Can you hear me?

Hey, God

Hey, God