One of my former pastors encourages people to ask “what is the right Christian response to this?” when faced with conflict. It’s not just conflict, though. It’s an appropriate question for all matters of life.
Being able to press pause for questioning an appropriate Christian response is sign of spiritual maturity. It also shows a grasp of personal discipline, cultivated wisdom, submission to the Holy Spirit, and more.
It’s a vital spiritual discipline with eternal ramifications.
Jonathan Edwards Resolution 7
Edwards’ Resolution #7 (in my modernized language) 7. Resolved: Never to do anything I would be ashamed of when I am at final judgement.
Christian Response During Conflict
As people, we naturally resist conflict. It’s uncomfortable. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, and it may not be controllable. But our Christian response to conflict is fully controllable.
But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” – I Peter 1:15-16 (NIV)
This verse from I Peter tells us to behave in all matters. We must seek to live up to the righteous standard modeled by Christ. It’s easier said than done, especially for the emotional and hasty beings that we are. The unfortunate reality is that we too often immediately laud or condemn people based simply upon first impressions. And then we gossip about shortcomings to all who will listen.
Yet, Proverbs 15:28 reminds us that “the heart of the righteous ponders how to answer.”
This is a simple action that separates us from the moment, allowing us to see it for what it truly is. It’s what keeps us doing those things we might later regret.
Christian Response in Small Moments
Knowing and making the right Christian response to conflict and in small moments shows a grasp of personal discipline, cultivated wisdom, submission to the Holy Spirit, and more.
Just as we sometimes regret actions taken during moments of interpersonal conflict, we also come to regret our Christian response in small moments. More accurately, we regret our non-Christian responses. And, in fact, we often regret our actions during small moments more than we do our publicly visible shortcomings.
That’s because these are the moments that are among the most remorseful and guilt ridden. When it’s just you and an audience of only God.
And it’s these actions I think Edwards is pondering here when he suggests then as something he would be afraid to do during his last moments of life.
When We’re Wrong in our Christian Response
What do we do when we are wrong in our Christian Response? At the most basic level, we should hope to learn from it. Otherwise, we’re doomed to continue repeating the actions.
Sometimes, though, there are people we have wronged. And it’s important that we address those wrongs with people we impact. Even though it is never easy to admit when you are wrong, it goes for when you show your humanity.
I have had times when I have called people by the wrong name. And there have been moments when I stepped on toes in meetings, or spoke out-of-place. Suck it up and let them know you’re aware of the negative impact you produced. Show them you truly are apologetic.
This is both an opportunity to build or repair bridges while also giving you the ability to grow from the experience.