Yesterday I went through something that is uncomfortable for me. I received an award.
I was and remain humbled and honored to be recognized by the Indiana Credit Union League with the Emerging Leadership Award for 2014. It places my name on a list with several other amazing people who have achieved and continue to contribute great things for credit unions and the individuals served by credit unions throughout the state of Indiana.
I’ve gotten my fair share of participation ribbons and a few trophies in my lifetime. But only a couple times have I been specifically singled out for an honor such as this, the most recent before this was the Bob Parker Memorial Award from the Northeast Indiana Baseball Association (NEIBA) in 2012. That was awkward for me too.
Why is recognition uncomfortable?
As I tell many people, I am much more comfortable lurking behind the scenes and setting the stage for others to be in the spotlight than I am being in one myself. Much of that probably has to do with my introverted nature. By design, I will typically find the fastest way out of the spotlight the moment it starts to get anywhere near me.
But there are also more deeply rooted reasons I seek to remain outside the spotlight.
I am ashamed
Seems pretty odd to have someone suggest they are ashamed when they are honored, doesn’t it? I’ve explored this in a lot of detail and probably could recount for you ever single shameful moment of my life and maybe even connect each of them back to the original fall if pressed on it. I detail this struggle in Listen Up Kids and will share more of that with you as it nears actual publication in the spring of 2015. For now, understand that I have spent much of my life feeling unworthy of praise and recognition. It took me a long time to understand, accept and acknowledge this fact. Having taken it to the foot of the cross, I have been able to approach such events with a lot more calm and less discomfort.
From the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt. And for our iniquities we, our kings, and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity, to plundering, and to utter shame, as it is today. ~ Ezra 9:7
I fear being held to a higher standard
Let’s face it, when you have a spotlight on you, everyone is looking at you. Duh! Am I right? Simple as that sounds, I am also aware that those who are in the spotlight are routinely placed under a microscope for a period of time that extends beyond the time the spotlight is on them. Their every move and action is now seen by others and, whether acceptable or not, they are being judged for those actions. We live in a society that likes to tear down its heroes just as much as it enjoys building them up. I really don’t enjoy being torn down.
And honestly, I’m aware that I can just as easily tear myself down without anyone’s help. At the same conference where I received this recognition, I got angry with one of the hotel staff members because it was my third attempt to have a basic request fulfilled and he still was not providing the assistance to make it happen. I was angry and I let loose before regaining my composure, apologizing to the gentleman multiple times and explaining my frustrations to him. Afterwards, I couldn’t help but think to myself that I was being a poor representative of my industry and Christians. And yet, I was present to receive an award!
I must constantly remind myself to be grounded and that I am to see the face of God on the faces of everyone I meet. Would I dare shout at God? Doubtful. And if I truly were loving of others as I love myself, would I have shouted at him? That’s doubtful too.
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ ~ Matthew 25:40
I’m Nothing without God and Others in my Life
I made a conscious acknowledgement long ago that I am placed on earth to serve others. Even when being recognized or honored for the service that is provided to others, it’s hard not to feel like you are being self-serving in accepting those awards. As I stood in the spotlight, facing hundreds of professional peers, the spotlight shined bright into my eyes. The emcee for the evening read a lengthy bio that included “my accomplishments” to share my credibility. I really was not prepared to hear the long list that ensued. It would be very easy for me to puff out my chest and say to myself that I have done a lot of great things. And I have. But I did NONE OF THEM alone.
Had it not been for being surrounded by so many great co-workers, mentors, friends, teachers, leaders and peers, I would lack knowledge, resources and ability to do any of those things. So it’s hard to be accepting of an individual award when I am well aware that without them, I am nothing.
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. ~ Proverbs 27:17
Photo Credit: Thomas Hawk via Compfight cc
Will being recognized and honored ever cease to be awkward or uncomfortable for me? Probably not. Does it mean that I don’t appreciate such recognition? Absolutely not! I can’t tell you how humbled and honored I am at such occasions. Yet, at the same time, I cannot allow myself to ever get that feeling of having “made it” or “arrived” at any point of my journey.
There remains much work to be down within my own life and in helping to improve the lives of others. So today I pray that God will take from me the shame and calm the emotions stemming from it; that I would endeavor to live to a higher standard whether the spotlight is on me or otherwise and that ultimately, He is glorified in the process as we sharpen one another.
If you want to know a little bit more about my personal struggles with shame that I mentioned earlier in the post, it will be detailed in my forthcoming book, #LUK – Listen Up Kids: Foolish dreams, synching with God and running as though you may obtain it. Click here to join the 1Glories Swarm so I can invite you to help choose the cover art, send you the first chapter in advance and let you know when the publication gets closer.