Forgiveness is a tricky word. That’s partly because most of us are always tempted to spell it with an unnecessary “e” between “for” and “giveness.” But it’s mostly because of the deep-rooted emotion attached to the concept of forgiveness. In fact, I suspect the moment you read the headline, your mind conjured memories and sentiments connected to something or someone you have not yet forgiven.
Here’s how to make a room of really happy people into one that is quiet and heavy-hearted: ask them to think about people they haven’t forgiven. Or, better yet, the perceived wrongs that took place prompting a need for forgiveness.
It’s that quick. And that’s precisely why forgiveness is such a tricky subject.
Well today, lets help lighten the load. I’m not going to suggest I will teach you to forgive or fix all the world’s ails in seven easy steps. But, I do promise to offer insight and, potentially, a new way of framing why forgiveness is so important to YOU; not just the individual(s) you should forgive.
I originally wrote this as I was concluding a Sunday School Bible Study over the book of Colossians. A discussion from that class stuck with me, and as I pondered it more, it inspired this post. So here is the verse that kicked it off:
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
We’re Commanded to Forgive
Face it. The Lord says to do it, so we should do it out of mere obedience, right? Easier said than done, I know.
Most weeks, like many churches, the church I attend recites the Lord’s Prayer in unison. I think a lot of us tend to gloss over Matthew 6:12 that says: “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” On first glance, it’s a bit confounding. A little more research, and you’ll find that it has captivated some of the most well-known Christian thinkers throughout history:
St. Augustine called it…
“the terrible petition” having realized that to pray it with a truly unforgiving heart, you are asking God to be unforgiving as well.
Charles Spurgeon said…
“Unless you have forgiven others, you read your own death-warrant when you repeat the Lord’s Prayer.”
C. S. Lewis said that…
“No part of [Jesus’] teaching was clearer, and there are no exceptions to it. He doesn’t say that we are to forgive other people’s sins providing they are not too frightful, or providing there are extenuating circumstances. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often they are repeated. If we don’t, we shall be forgiven none of our own.”
Phillip G. Ryken wrote of in a blog post…
With these words we declare our moral bankruptcy, freely admitting that we owe God more than everything we have… we are not the only ones in debt. We have debtors of our own, people who owe us something for what they have done to us. And we are called to forgive them.
John Wesley, in response to General Oglethorpe’s claim of “I never forgive!” suggested…
“Then I hope, sir, you never sin.”
A lot of impact in those little quote fragments. I think it all boils down to something though… the prayer contains both a request for forgiveness and a request to have a spirit of personal forgiveness. It’s a model initiated by God, and one that frees us of unhealthy bitterness while also breaking down obstacles for achieving genuine love and Christian unity.
In other words, forgiveness is pretty important. so let’s examine it a little more.
An ideal prayer contains request for personal forgiveness and a spirit of forgiveness. In so doing, we follow a model initiated by God, free ourselves of unhealthy bitterness and destroy obstacles in the way of genuine love and Christian unity.
Forgiveness is Modeled by God
Take a look at the latter half of verse 13. It says that the Lord forgave YOU (and me… all of us) and we should therefore forgive as well.
God forgives as a means of reconciling us to Him for the purpose of enjoying a close relationship with Him. In extending forgiveness to others, we too should seek restoration of broken relationships. We don’t have to be BFF’s, but we should at least be civil, which has become all the more of a rarity in our post-pandemic era.
Jesus, as he’s being put to death on the cross pleads, “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Due to our sinfulness, God sent his son. Why? So we can receive forgiveness. No wrong that anyone has done to any of us can even begin to compare to all the wrongs we’ve collectively committed against God. Yet, he forgives us.
We would be well to do the same.
Withholding Forgiveness Leads to Bitterness
Forgiveness is the ability to let go of blames, resentments, upsets, and negative emotions we hold against a particular person. We may have had a physical divorce but we are still tied to that person by a very taut rope. By remaining in blame, resentment, or hatred, we keep ourselves locked to the pain that we are trying to escape. We cannot move forward into a new life under these conditions.” – Shelley Stile; Divorce Recovery Expert
Sometimes competition is good. And we sometimes take it to extremes by clinging to blames and resentments. That’s probably because of a perceived belief that, if we release them into forgiveness, we’ve lost and they have won. You can call that pride if you want. Or, you can say it is because of ego if you want. Whatever you call it, it doesn’t change the fact that you are doing as much (or more!) harm to yourself as you are to that person or persons you refuse to forgive.
Blame, resentment, anger, rage and all those negative emotions have to get released. Hold them up inside and you are clinging to them as well as the past that is of no more relevance. And they fester inside you, infecting your heart in ways a heart should never experience. It leads to bitterness. Don’t cling to bitterness. It will absolutely suck the life from you. And coming back from that is one heck of a task.
That’s why forgiveness is so vital. Festering of past wrongs keeps us from moving forward. Forgiveness releases not just the person from their debts, IT RELEASES YOU from a lifetime of festering bitterness.
As Daniel Fusco says in his book, Honestly, “You can bet bitter, or you can get better.”
Withholding Forgiveness Enslaves & Is an Obstacle of Love and Unity
While withholding forgiveness, festering poisons give way to bitterness, possibly provoking desire for revenge. That quest for revenge destroys the soul. It becomes an idol by way of obsession. It distracts us from our relationships with God. Should that revenge actually result, the fallout destroys many lives in its wake – including your own.
Besides, the sweetest revenge is actually no revenge at all.
It’s lacking of genuine love. Revenge celebrates and solidifies our utter brokenness rather than allowing God to repair us.
The book of Ephesians spends a lot of time presenting the case for harmony within the body of Christ – the church. In our walk, if we are serious about our faith in Christ, we too will strive for unity. We should not break into disputing forces because it brings disgrace and dishonor to the name of Christ. Avoid pettiness and the withholding of forgiveness unto one another. For as Paul says:
Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32 (MSG)