Creating Awesome Connecting Experiences: A Review of Stop Selling and Start Leading

In life and business, we’re memorable and valuable when creating awesome connecting experiences. That’s the overarching theme and key take-a-way of Stop Selling and Start Leading: How to Make Extraordinary Sales Happen by Deb Calvert, James M. Kouzes, and Barry Z. Posner. I was provided a review copy, and what follows is my honest reflection of the book, as well as how it aligns with refining life, on purpose.

Finding the Cultural Sweet Spot

In my career, I have found myself working in environments that label themselves as a “”sales culture,” and a “service culture.” In reality, it’s always a mix of the two. However, one that does it according to modern-day business demands and needs is one that emphasizes finding solutions and value over sales. The utopian ideal, then, is that doing the right things for everyone results in a rising tide for everyone. Sales takes care of itself.

To that end, the authors state it similarly in the opening page, saying the book is about:

“Ennobling the sales profession and dignifying buyers, a shift that turns tedious transactions into existing customer experiences” (p1).

They go on to state that “it’s not about you,” rather, It’s about needs, hopes, dreams and aspirations” of those that leaders serve. They also rightfully point out that, leaders are not able to make anything happen without others.

In creating awesome connecting experiences for those we serve – in business and in life – we need to move beyond. We must be taking things deeper than a link on social media. It’s not offering a download of a hastily made white paper. Sending an email that say “I saw your profile on LinkedIN” is not going to get us there. Awesome connecting experience is not the name of your CRM.

Rather, awesome connecting experiences is the creation of intimacy with buyers for finding common ground.

So why is there a need for this book?

Well, in short, it’s because there’s a genuine gap. As the authors observe:

“While agreeing, in theory, that buyers want a connecting experience and value creation, sellers haven’t sufficiently developed new skills to adapt to this new reality” (22).

To have the right understanding of that statement, we should probably come to a consensus that everyone is a buyer in some way. Likewise, everyone is a seller in some way.

Those two facts might be pretty safe to assume. However, the third fact is one that too often goes unnoticed: everyone is a leader in some way.

Interestingly, if a seller were to view their role as a hunter and the buyer being their target, the relationship is a transactional one that is guarded (125). This iteration of “leadership” falls overwhelmingly short by today’s standards. Those standards have new, multi-dimensional expectations. So much so, that leading and ever-evolving our learning is a mastery skill that is also very much a survival skill.

The Framework of Awesome Connecting Experiences

Early in the book, the authors present the “Five Practices of Exemplary Leadership” as a means for creating the book’s framework. Those practices and a brief description of each are as follows:

• Model the way. Address the preferences of your buyers and affirm your shared values. You do that by lifting the fog and painting a picture from a kaleidoscopic view.
• Inspire shared vision. Show a future of exciting and ennobling possibilities. These should include the buyer’s current circumstances as well as their desired outcomes.
• Challenge the process. Find and generate ways to innovate. Generate wins and learn from experiences.
• Enabling others to act. Build trusting relationships that foster collaboration and genuinely seeks to develop people.
• Encourage the heart. Perhaps the most important aspect. This is the cementing of meaningful connections. You do that by recognizing and showing appreciation. This significantly contributes to a spirit of community.

How To Sell Your Way to Self-Leadership

“Leaders must discover a set of principles, much like a compass, to guide their decisions and actions… find your voice… knowing who you are is essential in determining what to say yes to, and when to say no, in leading and in selling” (31).

When I was invited to review this book, I almost declined. I thought it was about “making the sale” and stereotypical hubbub. So I didn’t think it was in alignment with the 1Glories vision.

I swore I would never go into “sales” as it’s typically known. The authors show my reasoning when they say, “[m]any mistakenly set aside ‘who they are’ in the home that they can ‘sell anything to anyone.’ They think this is what’s expected of them and will bend their principles when they feel that’s what it needs to make a sale.”

Learning more about the book and considering the invitation, I began thinking it might actually fit the “refining life, on purpose” model better than I first thought.

The quote to start this section shows validation of my speculations. The authors propose evidence and tools for representing your authentic self, clarifying values, represent values and more. It’s about walking your talk. And talking your truth.

As they say, “[a]ttitude is an expression of ideals” (42) and “exemplary sellers are not thespians acting on a grand stage… when you find your voice, you will behave in accord with your values” (36).

It’s in that vein, the book speaks to the need for better artistry in becoming a self-leader. As they say,

“You don’t need to look up for leadership…. You only have to look inward… the first person you have to sell is yourself (172)”

As you settle into a role leading your buyers – which, again, is everyone – the biggest thing to work on is selling yourself. And that’s why leadership development is really a matter of self-development… or refining life, on purpose.

#Leadership is really a matter of #self-development. Of refining life, on #purpose. Click To Tweet

Catering to the Buzz?

Another reason I almost passed on reviewing this book is the fact that it looked like a clear catering to the hot topics of the era. Indeed, I did find it littered with common buzzwords and phrases. You will see things like; personal, relevant, engagement, experiences, collaboration, relationships, credibility, transparency, leadership, trust, genuine, co-creation, coaching, openness, etc. all throughout and many times over.

However, that is probably needed in a book like this. What’s more, that language is not carelessly thrown in like salt and pepper for making old meatloaf taste fresher. In fact, it’s aptly used and – dare I say it – relevant. We hear the word “relationship” and “relationship-driven” bandied about today. It’s an important aspect, yes, because you cannot provide awesome connecting experiences without it.

The result is not a collection of tools and/or books the authors suggest people use after having already shelled out their cash for the book. Instead, the authors do a fine job of showing real-life applicability for the buzz we’re so frequently hearing.

That’s actually a rarely achieved feat.

Buy Stop Selling and Start Leading

About the Authors of Stop Selling and Start Leading

Deb Calvert is the founder of People First Productivity Solutions and The Sales Experts Channel. Her bestseller, Discover Questions Get You Connected, has been named one of “Top 20 Most Highly Rated Sales Books of All Time” by HubSpot.

James M. Kouzes is the Dean’s Executive Fellow of Leadership, Leavey School of Business, Santa Clara University, and according to the Wall Street Journal, one of the twelve best executive educators in the United States.

Barry Z. Posner, PHD, is the Accolti Endowed Professor of Leadership at the Leavey School of Business, Santa Clara University, where he served for twelve years as Dean of the School.